People Places & Things

The One With My Favorite Awkward Relationships

06-25-2014
You know that relationship you have with that one random person that’s just kinda weird & awkward for no real reason, and each time you see them you try and make it less awkward but it never actually works?Yeah, I have MANY more than just one of those.

And they never fail to get more awkward/weird with time either. You know, the ones that force you to make one of the “classic Jim” faces after every single encounter you have with them? (see below)

 PicMonkey Collageujhilko;p'
Granted, I like every day to involve a classic Jim face…but still. Ya know what, I can’t count on much in this life but I can always count on getting into a borderline uncomfortably awkward situation (it’s only uncomfortable because I suffer from the very real and not at all exaggerated disease of secondhand embarrassment) with these peeps (and many more…believe me).It’s nothing they have done, it’s nothing I have done. It’s just a weird relationship that I can’t escape anytime soon.
PicMonkey Collahffgge

So here’s to the person I got way too excited see that one time with my scary intense child-on-Christmas-morning face only to realize I’ve never actually met him and now we avoid eye contact but politely give each other what I like to refer to as the “head nod of equally acknowledged past awkward encounters”.Here’s to the lady who walks past my desk every day thinking my name is Bailey… and just like Chandler it’s too late in the game to correct her… so Bailey I will stay and Bailey I will always be.

Here’s to the grown man who started to say a ‘that’s what she said’ joke only to fade out of it half way through because we’d only known each other about 10 minutes and some might consider it inappropriate in the workplace.

Here’s to the group of people I see every day at lunch and walked right through the middle of a few weeks ago at the exact moment Siri said “There are 12 Taco Bells that are close to you. Would you like me to give you directions to the same one I gave you directions to yesterday?” #addict

Here’s to the fella at work who says “I am only gonna take 1 M&M and leave you the rest!!” EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Buddy, I can only respond with the equally cheesy “But the more you eat the less I will!!” so many times.

Here’s to the neighbor I’ve never met but who somehow seems to magically be called to the mailbox at the exact same time I am. Every day. Without fail. Except Sundays. I call her: My Girl Not Sunday

Here’s to the boss at one of my random temp jobs who once answered the phone when I called him while he was IN THE BATHROOM. We now give each other the I-know-what-you-sound-like-in-the-bathroom-but-neither-of-us-will-ever-acknowledge-it good morning wave. Doesn’t everyone have one of those waves?

Here’s to the cute guy in the office who last time I saw him I tried to “play it cool” and let out a cute flirty cough (because clearly I’ve got this flirting game doooown…) and instead I let out a fairly loud and gassy burp. Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave.

Here’s to the office cleaning lady who only speaks Spanish except for when she says “It’s a beautiful day, no?” You know what? It is a beautiful day Hannya! And I’m sorry I can’t retain anything more from my 15+ years of Spanish class other than “si se puede” (which technically I learned from Gotta Kick It Up). And I’m sorry I ordered 1,500 paper plates when you said we needed 150 plastic bowls. And I’m sorry I don’t understand any of the jokes you’ve told me, because based on your reactions they seem really funny!

Here’s to the random human I see EVERY TIME I am at the grocery store. Not an employee, just another measly Ralph’s consumer who has the same good sense to stay on the outer ring of the grocery store only going inland for ice cream. I refer to him as my Mint Chocolate Chip (Chip for short).

Here’s to the guy at work who keeps asking me if I’m a mother. Nope…still not a mom…. Just like I wasn’t yesterday. Or the day before that. Or the day before that. And I’m really not planning on being one tomorrow either but I look forward to you asking me! Again.

And here’s to my favorite celebrity who I once tried to tell how much his work inspired my career and move to LA and instead I mumbled out “I moved to LA for you”   ………………my bad.

Ok fine. Maybe it is something they’ve done. More than likely it’s something I’ve done. But I actually don’t ever want to live a life without awkward situations. And I definitely don’t want to escape these awkward relationships anytime soon. They are weird, funny, always entertaining & I love every single one of ’em. Wouldn’t change a thing.

And Chip if you’re reading this, I’ll see you on Tuesday.

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